Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
