Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
