I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
