I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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