I want you more than these girls want KFC
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
