ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
and she was petting her beer can
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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