I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
