I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
