Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
