3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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