You're completely useless in the revolution.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize