I am spending my child support on dildos
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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