I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
