Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
