She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Naked Twister starts at high noon
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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