Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
