Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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