if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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