my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
