I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
