dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
operation harelip BJ is a go
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
