I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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