Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
