She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
