I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
