you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Shame is for Republicans.
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