it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
