i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They have beer where we have blood.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
