Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize