Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
