Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
