The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
