I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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