its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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