Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
