hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
