Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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