I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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