She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
