do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
