If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
