I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
