My first STD was from a foam party
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There's even glitter on my cock...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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