i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
