Can i not drive my cunt home
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
