And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
