I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I look better un-naked...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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