Sponge bath it is.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
