My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize