So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
