How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
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