chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
