If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize