TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
