My hand turned me down
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
