my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
