Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize