what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
