Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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