I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
