I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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