Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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