I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
