dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
