Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
