I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you would pick up someone in the library
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
