i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
