after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
