Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
