My Higher Power is John Stamos
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
