wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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