i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
