i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
