god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
