he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
