my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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