I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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