She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
