Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize