Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
