i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
