I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
