If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
