I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
