I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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