I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
