I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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