I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Someone signed my nipple.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
