I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm too high and old for this...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
