omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
