He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
