got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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