Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
