she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
