It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
not ubering you a puppy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize