Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize