he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
