he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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