1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
