our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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