...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my liver is dry heaving
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
