She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
