so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
