is your mom at the bar?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
