I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
