I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Holy shit dude........stairs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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