Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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