im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
