What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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